The Punisher (2004 film): It's punishingly bad

I have put off watching this movie for a very long time for one reason or another. I was kind of a fan of the comic books when I was in high school and I had quite a few of them, maybe I still do, they could be in an attic somewhere in their protective sleeves hopefully becoming worth tons of money. I doubt they are but still, that would be nice.

I don't think anyone needs the backstory on what The Punisher is all about but in 2004 perhaps people did need that information. The story is that Frank Castle is a famed FBI agent responsible for taking down a lot of people involved in crime and by happenstance his actions lead to the death of the son of someone very powerful named Howard Saint who is unfortunately very poorly acted by John Travolta.

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The story isn't necessarily bad and I do enjoy the idea of there being a superhero of sorts that doesn't actually have any superpowers outside of being reasonably big, having access to a lot of guns, and being trained to do his job really well. What does make the whole thing a bit silly is the access to resources and information that Frank Castle (The Punisher) somehow and magically gets his hands on via just ONE PERSON that he pretends to torture until he spills the beans.

This one person just happens to be a high-ranking personal assistant for Howard Saint and Frank somehow (and it isn't even very well-explained) to become a source of information for him instead of turning on him and reporting the whereabouts of the vagabond killer to his immensely wealthy boss.

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The scene is just silly as Frank Castle explains to the upside down captive that "as the torch melts your flesh you won't feel any pain, you will just go into shock and it will feel cold as you smell burning meat" and then proceeds to use a blowtorch on a steak while pressing a ice popsicle into his back. It's as dumb as it sounds.

The fighting scenes are actually pretty good in this believe it or not and there is some pretty decent action as well. One bit of interesting movie trivia comes in the form of a guest appearance by then WWE superstar Kevin Nash playing a gigantic Russian assassin.

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in this scene there is a bunch of punching and kicking but there is also some stabbing going on. There was a mistake made by someone in the prop department and somehow the knife that was used ended up being real and Kevin Nash actually did get stabbed for real. It is a pretty remarkable scene because Nash never broke character even though he had genuinely just been stabbed in the chest with a 4 inch knife. Seriously, I am not making this up and you can read about it here

The fights are good and so is the action but unfortunately the show is plagued by a litany of very poorly written characters, worse dialogue, and just a shit-show of a performance by John Travolta. I don't know if he won any Golden Raspberries for this, but he should have. Maybe they had mercy on Travolta because he already has a closet full of said awards for other things he has been in such as the atrocious Battlefield Earth.

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Seriously, Travolta is just awful in this movie and for some people out there this could actually be an incentive to seek the film out and watch it. Virtually every single line of his is delivered in a terrible way and it is pure cringe. This isn't necessarily Travolta's fault because he didn't write the script but his portrayal of a mob boss simply isn't believable at all.

When Saint (Travolta) eventually meets his maker it is completed in a completely absurd fashion that just boggles the mind with how silly it is. It is the last scene in the film and the movie abruptly ends after that and I can't help but feel like this was simply because they really didn't know what else to do at this point and just wanted to get it over with.

Should I watch it?

This film was a critical failure and while it did make about $20 million over its budget, this could have easily been negated by global promotional costs. A sequel was planned but Tom Jane and the director had creative differences and another Punisher had to be cast for what would end up being called Punisher War Zone. That one lost a ton of money as it became kind of apparent that audiences weren't generally interested in the story. The ill-fated series that was on just a few years ago suffered a similar fate.

I think that this one has moments that are worth seeing and in my mind it also classifies as "so bad it's good" in many regards. If you can appreciate good action sequences intermingled with hilariously bad dialogue as well as a guy who literally gets stabbed in a scene and doesn't break character then maybe you will find some reason to enjoy this one. I would watch it with the remote in my hand though because basically everything outside of the action sequences is pretty terrible.

_{I have no idea if this is available on Netflix or not because I no longer have an account. It is shit enough that they probably do have it though}