Whose War

I dreamed last night that I was in Mariupol. In present-day Mariupol. I had some kind of mission, don't remember exactly. But eventually, I was exposed and I woke up when I was falling from the top of the building.

Today is an important day. My husband finally got the transfer order, and tomorrow (fingers crossed) he will be permanently transferred to the military unit he wanted to serve in long ago. More precisely, this process started almost 6 months ago. So on the one hand, it is a piece of long-awaited news, and on the other, it is proof that the bureaucratic machine in the AF still works as slowly as possible. Or perhaps there is no other way, I don't know. It's been 1.5 years since my husband has lived with me (mostly) in our flat but it feels like he is not with me. I cannot get under his skin, but it's not a piece of cake.

Last minute update - his brother who also is in AF got to the hospital today. Nothing too serious though.

This October has been very kind to me. I was able to visit Krakow. Also, it seems that Kyiv was attacked with drones and rockets only 1 or 2 times in October. In addition, air alarms in Kyiv have been very rare recently. Russians must have realized that this is a waste of missiles, or maybe they are accumulating long-range missiles for Kyiv to stage mass attacks in the winter. This is good but rather alarming.

I wish I could say the same about the other cities but I can't. They bomb the front-line regions every day - Odesa, Kherson, Zaporizhzhia. Yes, now I have less stress because of the shelling, but the news about destroyed businesses, warehouses, port infrastructure every day hurts me a lot. How did it happen?

When in 2022 some Ukrainian analysts said that a full-scale war in Ukraine would cause armed conflicts and wars in other corners of the world, I didn't believe it. According to my logic, the world will see all the horrors of war and will do everything to stop it as soon as possible! International law bla-bla-bla. Wondering how much money it takes to run the UN for a year? Apparently, world institutions and all the old order went bad...

The weather outside is simply gorgeous. Mild and beautiful days in rich colors and warm and quiet evenings. I wish I could keep its harmony in my soul as long as possible. Because winter creeps up slowly, imperceptibly, but steadily. Shadows grow long, days grow short. And precious little good news is so rare. In my head, two concepts are still contradictory, almost mutually exclusive - war and the beauty of nature.

Speaking about October and the nice weather, there was one exception. We had a storm wind, a kind of hurricane actually, 3 days ago. It lasted for a day and a night, and in the end, 3 people died in the Kyiv region. I went to the supermarket and saw a couple of fallen old trees. One of them failed on the building next to mine and broke a window. Also, a few bushes that grew nearby are just gone.

I came across the "Foyle's War" TV series and watched it over the weekend. This is a British detective drama. Its events occur in the city of Hastings in the south of England during the Second World War. It turned out to be very interesting.

Since the beginning of the war, I have been constantly looking for answers to the same questions. What can I do? What should I do? What is right and what is wrong during the war? Free media, criticism of the authorities, elections etc. And how life can go on here when so many of my compatriots die every day? Everyone says that such a war has never happened before, and that everything that is happening in Ukraine is happening for the first time ever. And no one knows what is right and what is better. But somehow I found my answers in this TV series.

Of course, I know too little about life in England in 1939 or 1941, and besides, this is fiction, not a documentary. The British experienced really hard times during WWI, a lack of products and ordinary things. Is this what awaits us? Anyway, this series gave me a sense of normalcy in everything that is happening around me. Heroes, scammers, traitors... This sounds monstrous, but ... normalcy of not only good but also bad things that Ukrainians sometimes do - doubt, argue, blame each other and authorities.

Almost 100 years ago, the English hated and cursed war just as much as we now. The fascists bombed factories, schools, homes and hospitals just as now Russians. Everything went not so smoothly in reality. The war lasted for a very long time, but somehow they endured it and survived.

I need to know this not for excuses or calming down but for hope. Hope is badly needed before another long and harsh winter. I see alarm bells here and there, and I don't let it slide back to the state I was a year ago. Just do not demand too much from myself and move very carefully and in small steps. Day by day... I never liked to lose.

By the way - Happy Halloween!

I learned today something new about the tradition of doing something special on this day (All Hallows' Eve). 40 days after the autumnal equinox.

Surprisingly for me, it began in Europe, not in America as I first supposed. Also initially, they carved a turnip, not a pumpkin. 🎃

Many people in Ukraine believe that this holiday is foreign to us. This year, after the Council of Orthodox Churches in Ukraine decided to switch to the Gregorian calendar our customs of celebration seem more alike - songs, play parties, soulcakes, bonfires. Oh, and the word "bonfire" originates not from bon fire (good fire) but from "bones fire" (fortune-telling on bones).☠️

So what are you doing on this evening? 😉